Have been living day to day since 1999 with some difficult years too follow after. Its my step out the closet in 2001 that first brought a brighter future. It got better before it went downhill. Have had moments of moving up but something happens to kick me back down again. Quite frustrating. I have placed myself back to my little corner of the world, keeping to myself and feeling depressingly lonely. The idea of what’s to come seems to keep me locked away from the world. What restrictions will be placed up on me and how long that will keep me locked away.

Sounds stupid, I say keeping to myself but I don’t live alone. Have an old friend living with me. He is “sexually challenged”, which in my terminology means “straight”. He accepts I am gay and in some ways comes across as “homophobic”. Anyway he is my care giver, basically does the things I can not do easily, like cleaning. But it’s not without its problems, he is not well himself. His illness is both self inflicted but also a sickness, that I and others have tried to help with.

All I can do right now is wait and see what’s to come, at least I will know more. Just seems no matter what even after almost 7 years since my life changed and the past was supposed to be behind me, it seems there is no escape from it ever and I just have to adjust to the changes to come.