Hello my friends, I actually started writing this blog on the 14th August. It became difficult to write as this this year has been 20 years since my life changed dramatically, that has affected my life in many ways.

June brought back pain I have suffered for 20 years and has always remained a devistating part of my life and that of my now ex-wife. Even after so many years it still gets me depressed and has every years since 1999. But for some reason this year has been the worst that I can remember.

Here is some background even though eventually I will be writing more later as part of “Who Am I? Why Was I Born“ section of the this blog.

From our first year of our marriage, Jody and I tried to have children but it was not until a couple years later in 1987 we were to find out that Jody had a medical condition that made it difficult for her to get pregnant. After a few years of being told that Jody was too overweight we found out she sufferred from a condition called “Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)” which caused her body to produce testosterone.

Once we found out we were able to get into IVF about 1990. Jody joined a group of women also sufferring from the same condition, it was good for her as she then knew she was not alone. By the end of it though only 2 members of the group of 20 people, failed to get pregnant and I think about 8 of the other women of a group were to have twins through IVF (In Vitro Fertilisation). 

As this IVF procedure was costly I decided to do a second job as a sports trainer in the 1991 season. Jody and I were forced to stop IVF in 1998. It was about April 1999 we found out Jody was pregnant.

At about 8 weeks into a pregnancy after years of trying, even with medical help we went for our first scan although excited at the prospect of seeing our baby for the first time it soon lead to devistating news that ripped our hearts out. The scan showed the baby but there was no heartbeat. The drive home was excruciating and felt like was taking forever but once we got home we both totally broke down. I have a high tolerance of pain but this hurt more than anything in my life has or ever will.

We found out sometime later that the baby was a girl and that she died of a genetic problem. We called here Christaline after Jody’s grandmother. If she had lived she would of been 20 around late December 2019 or early January 2020. My trials did not end that June, that afternoon I had an appointment to see a lawyer. The emotional distress of the morning, meant I could not focus on the trial, 3 days before I would face a trial for my very freedom. I tried so hard to not to let the loss of Chris to affect the trial, but it was so hard, especially hard on one of the day that Jody went to the hospital to have Chris aborted.

I can not write much of the incident that lead to the trial and the trial itself here but eventually it will be told in “Who Am I? Why Was I Born“

I am sorry everyone for leaving you in the dark about some events of my life story. It is also a difficult time in my life that would have changes in my life that still affect me today.

Take care 

**hugs**