It’s been 7 months since I have looked at my blog, almost as long for my website. Fugster’s World
For a few months now I’d been suffering from what was diagnosed as a gut problem. Very much like acid problems which seemed to start with tightening of my mid spine, through the chest and down the arm. On the 14th of March was the worst it had been, it eventually went away but seemed to last a couple hours. I did get over heated and sweating, but did not feel light headed or passed out.
It was not until the Sunday, 17th when was at Reno and Penny’s for lunch it hit again, although only mildly compared to the Thursday before. This time though Reno called an Ambulance. By the time the Ambulance got there it had started to subside but as I had cover for the Ambulance I was talked into going to the hospital for a check up.
Upon arriving I was moved through to the back area of Emergency Department, past the area where a couple years before my siblings and I came and found out my mother had passed away. It had occurred to me as we went past the closed door of the room.
After being placed in a cubicle bed I was questioned, poked and prodded, placed on an E.C.G machine and blood taken. It took some hours but they eventual told that I had, had a fairly severe heart attack, extremely low lung capacity coupled with high cholesterol and diabetes levels.
Was a quite some hours before I was moved to a ward and over the next couple days they decided I had heart damage, clotted arteries and would need a shunt inserted to open the arteries to the heart. They said during this I would remain awake under local anaesthetic as they passed a tube from my right chest area to place the shunts. All I remember was them doing the anaesthetic, next thing I was waking in ICU. Shortly after a doctor working under the surgeon came to see me checking the veins in my left leg to use where he informed me the shunts did not work. So the next alternative was a Triple Heart Bypass Surgery, which was done on the 22nd of March. I do not remember too much was like a waking dream, not awake but not asleep. Next time I was to wake I had a tube down my throat and the surgery was done.
The main concern of the doctors and nurse during my time in ICU was my diabetes levels which they kept close attention too, it being between 20 and 25 so was on an Insulin drip for most of the time. Once that was under control was able to move into a ward. I was put into a room by myself.
The pictures below are of the scaring from a few days after the operation and now when the scaring has healed for the most part.
This was my first time in hospital since I was born so its a totally new experience. I can see why there are many supporters of the new hospital being built as I found it eerie place and after being told that the ward didn’t exist a few months before, somehow made it even more weird for me. How long before the ward was reopened was it closed for? With the state of not just Adelaide’s but Australia’s Health System with the shear amount of wards and bed not being utilised because of funding restraints. But that is a bitch for another time.
For me I found it was like it was filled with an unnerving energy. Hard to explain but felt sometime claustrophobic with the oxygen having a dry, taste of death in the pipes supplying it. I was glad I had brought my CPAP machine into the hospital as it saved me from having to use piped in oxygen.
Footnote: Just after my surgery, my sister was visiting. I was my usual self, joking and happy for the post part. She asked me out of the blue:
“You do not fear death?”
For a long time, since I was young, I believed I had no fear of death but kept it to myself. I could tell it was something that scared my sister, I guess she had reason.
I don’t fear death and haven’t for such a long time. The fear I do have is the effect of those around me, how it would affect them or a stranger who was to find me or I used to fulfil my feelings of suicide, a battle with for as long as I can remember.
Anyway my friends, this is where I will leave this blog and discuss my thoughts and feelings about death & suicide in a later blog. Please if have any questions of comments feel free to message me. Take care my friends.
Hugs with Cuddles and Love, oh and a Kiss on the cheek.