I been looking at my health a bit closer, asked my doctor, for sleep apnoea testing. My friend Shinzo from Canberra was here earlier in the year and happened to take a short but revealing video of my sleeping. It showed that with ever snore I held my breath, sometimes for as long as the count of 5. Anyway got an appointment and saw the doctor at the chest clinic. I have a sleep apnoea test in December, which requires to sleep at the hospital so they can monitor it. Something quite new for me, last time I spent time in hospital was when I was born. Well something I gotta do. Also went to see a surgeon about my upper abdominal hernia. Can have surgery but he’s requested I need to lose some weight, between 16 and 26 kilo’s. I have started eating properly, instead of the one meal am having 3 now with a lot more fruit and vegetables. Not sure it’s doing much, guess will see with my next meeting with my doctor.

On the 14th of May I went and had 9 teeth removed, what fun that was. Saturday wasn’t feeling too crash hot ha-ha. Was due to go to my mothers for dinner on the Sunday night, she rang to find out how I was and told me to basically wear a mask so I didn’t catch cold, mother’s hey. I saw her on the Thursday before for a cup of coffee. Sadly at the time did not know would be the last time I would see her and the Saturday last time I would talk to her.

Sunday my brother rang saying she was taken to hospital by ambulance. She had trouble breathing, she asked for the ambulance and when left was in some distress but lucid, knowing what was happening around her. I went to pick my brother up and we went to the hospital, parked and went to the emergency. At the counter was a hassle, they had no record of her and the only female into the hospital was a 100 year old women. While waiting my sister turned up and they finally found her on their computer, we were escorted into a small room and when the doctor and a hospital councillor came in they informed us she had passed away. Of course taken by surprise, shocked and siblings became emotional. We could not be given a reason just that she passed away, not sure if was on the way or at the hospital. We still do not know and still waiting for the final cause of death from the coroner.

I am feeling a lot of guilt, I just couldn’t feel any emotion, even now 2 months since her death and funeral I just feel empty inside. When my father died it took almost a year before I actually broke down and the took me getting absolutely blotto. Drank so much that night it just flooded through. Maybe it will be the case now, except now I do not drink alcohol. Maybe once things have been finalised completely I will grieve, but I must admit my lack of emotional release does worry me.

We knew what my mother wanted when it came to her death wishes, funeral and burial. She learned after my father died how much of a struggle the cost of a funeral actually is. She planned for it taking out funeral insurance, was more like life insurance, not sure funeral insurance was around in 1980 when she took out the policy. That basically covered the cost of the funeral and much of the burial site plot.

I think our mother would be proud on how much her children have banded together. Think it has surprised most people we have had to deal with. Sadly in many cases families splinter with petty differences that have nothing to do with their parent or parents deaths. We have consulted and arranged things together, rather than fought over stupid things, even has brought us closer together.

When meeting with the Funeral Director we tried to abide by our mother wishes, she wanted a cardboard coffin which seems to be the new craze. It was a shock when we found that cardboard was more expensive than a wooden box. The coffin we picked was around 1500 dollars where having a cardboard coffin was 2000 dollars more than that.

The funeral was held on the 27th May at the Salvation Army at Campbelltown. My mother a long time member there although she was not particularly religious, she loved the old women there, who she absolutely doted with, especially her what’s called Pollyanna. Each person is given a Pollyanna who they give Christmas presents too anonymously, these women often have no family and are alone.

There was a good turn out to the ceremony, about 100 people, many from her associations with the Salvo’s. What was surprising was her activities not just within the church but with other who she helped. She was very helpful to mostly single mothers with young children. Not only was she a nanna and great nanna for her 4 grand children and great grandchild but also nanna to about a dozen other children.

This month we will finally lay her to rest, intern her ashes with my father and finally after about 30 years the site will finally be upgraded with a headstone with proper surrounding. It wont be as extravagant as the surrounding sites with its imported Italian marble monuments but it will be what her my mothers wishes were.

Anyway my friends, time to finish this edition of my blog. But I hope you will look at your future, prepare properly in case, you never know.

Just to add, this 28th of August my friend and neighbour will have been gone for 2 years. Only seems like yesterday he was laughing and enjoying life. He will be remembered always.

Bye my dear friends