|It has only been 3 days since Mother’s Day and remembering her was made difficult as I knew that it was close to the Memorial of her death 8 years ago.
I last talked to her the day before her death, it was the weekly dinner the next day. She rang me on the Saturday as the day before I had 9 teeth removed and she was checking up on me, little did I know the next day she would be dead.
I still feel much regret and sadness even after 8 years. When my brother rang the morning of the 16th, I had just woken up and when he told me, I for some reason did not take it seriously. I do not know why, but even after attending the hospital, I felt no emotion over her passing. If anything was angry as she was responding to treatment by the ambulance. Was aware of what was going on around her, even spoke to the neighbour who came over at the time she was being loaded into the ambulance.
Until this day I have not cried and grieved, I do feel the loss as my mother and I were rather close. For many years she tried to protect me from the abuse of my father, the psychological problems and bullies that plagued my childhood. When my father died in September 1979, 4 days after my 17th birthday. It was 6 months after at a party for my now brother-in-laws 18th birthday, I got absolutely paralytic. I had drunk so much, mixed my drinks, was totally wasted that I cried for over an hour over his death.
I stopped drinking many years before her death, but not sure what it means that I have to get totally drunk to feel any emotion. I am normally an emotional person but when it comes to death, I feel nothing. Maybe it is my lack of fear of death as discussed in my previous blog Fear of Death.
Back Row – Shaun, Cole, Bronwyn, Me, Jeff, Noeleen, Michael | Front Row Simon, Kimberly, Kavi, Karley, Mother, Roxanne
|Memories of the Past|
|Remember back to some funny moment one comes to mind that still makes me laugh even today.
We were helping family friends clean their house when they had moved out. As we were cleaning mother found a cylinder about 6″ long. After a few minutes, she came to me and asked how do you take the lid off this torch. As I looked at her trying to remove the cap I realised what it was. As I started to laugh I told her it is a vibrator, she looked at me puzzled, then I said a Dildo. You never seen someone drop an item and go straight to the tap to wash her hands before the dildo even hit the floor.
|When I was 17 a neighbour had given my mother a sealed packet, both my mother and the neighbour read Colour on the packet so automatically thought it was used in Photography. At the time I was heavily into photography so they gave it to me. I looked at the packet and started laugh, both my mother and the neighbour were so embarrassed when I told them it it was not for photography but it was indeed a Condom.|
|Anyway will leave this blog at this point and post it.
As hard as the loss is, I get some comfort knowing and feeling that.
Take care my forever friends